I got a job!!!

Hiya peeps! I got a job. Actually I got two and had to make the hard choice of money over future opportunity. I start my new job on the 18th, so I have the rest of this week to tie up any errands I have and go have my fill this thursday. Thank you to Heidi for the dress clothes! The ones that didn't fit were donated to my friend that had bypass the same week that I had my band.


Weight: I lost 2.5 pounds this week at my weigh in. I've noticed that Jeremy and I eat a LOT healthier than I did at my moms, so I'm sure this is contributing. Also I read somewhere that people that are happy in life and love have a tendency to be more healthy in their food choices. Well...I'm deliriously happy right now, so that must be it! :)
Well I just called to schedule my fill and the dr is booked for them thru November 5th. Holy shit! Since i'm starting my new job next week I don't know when I'd be able to go over and have it done. My new office is only 2 blocks away, maybe I could go on my lunch hour. Hmmmmmm.

Ok, the house doesn't clean itself, so I gotta run. I have pictures to share now.

Jeremy and I cheesin outside.

Me and my boy Peyton playing mini-golf. I love him so much!

 The cutest little boy ever!

Love :-)

Interviews

Well ladies (and gents) blogging about needing a job must have done the trick (wink!) because I had a job interview yesterday and have two more tomorrow!! All are within my pay range and hour requirements so I'm stoked that one of them might work out. The best thought? Having to turn down two because I get all three. LOL

I'm bored of being home already. Jeremy seems under the impression that I love to clean and do laundry everyday and create elaborate meals for him and Peyton. Why? Because it's what I do every fricken day. It's almost as if a stepford wife has temporarily taken over my body while I'm not working. I guess I shouldn't complain because I'm getting compliments from everyone that comes over how nice and clean our place is. I guess I wasn't the best housekeeper before. But ya know what? I didn't give a shit what my old house looked like because I was depressed and my ex wasn't the best with cleaning so I just let stuff sit.Now it was never Hoarders, or even Clean House bad, but it had it's looong moments of clutter and dust. Having a clean house makes me feel great. So apparently those great feeling endorphins are working because the new and improved me, keeps a damn good house. Huh....who-da thunk it?

It's beautiful here in the STL today. About 70 degrees and breezy, just beautiful enough to make it ok that I wasn't working today and was able to open my house windows and enjoy the sunshine and clean air.
I'm also working on getting my webcam set back up so I can do a VLOG again soon. I know you all just miss my voice....LOL

Toodles for now. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow to share about the interviews. Love ya's!

My evening in pictures.

went to a wedding of a friend, then had a great porch party at my sisters, got very inebriated, and had a great time.Here it is in pictures.

Rocking Amy W.'s brown wrap dress again. Ugh my legs are sooo white.

Barely made it thru the door before this happened. :-)

 Yeah....those are our clothes where they landed last night. This was taken this morning. LMAO!

 This is what morning after happy looks like! :)

Sleepy and in love!

It's Chicago Day....

for everyone it seems but moi. I have a good friends wedding this weekend and my best friends birthday party sunday so it was an impossible goal to get to go to BOOBS weekend. I'm going to miss it all. The stories, the bonding, the CLOTHES! Ugh...makes me feel cruddy. Have fun my sisters and I hope to see you all next year in NYC!

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My move is complete and we are settling in wonderfully. The transition from a couple who saw each other on weekends, to living together, has been very smooth. A few misunderstandings, but nothing I could call a fight or even an argument, just normal snippyness(is that a word?lol) from everyday life. I'm sooo happy. Like, romance novel happy. Like, gag me with a spoon happy. Like, head over heels happy. For this first time in my entire LIFE, I am 100% ME. No hiding how I feel, no pretending not to like rap or country, no stress about my weight. I am able to be everything I feel and more, all day everyday. Jeremy has totally set me free and as super gooey as it is, it's the God's honest truth.
God made us friends at 17, going to prom together. Then reuniting 13 years later on FB after he broke his back in a fall and happened to make an account and look me up. The rest is history and my life has changed. Everyone sees it. I hear every day that I'm "glowing" and have changed so much. Well, damn right I'm glowing. It's not every day that a woman gets to meet her soulmate and have the best friendship, sex, affection etc. that life has to offer. So I'm going to BEAM ON and just be a sappy rom-com woman in my blissful love.

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My ass is smaller. So are my legs, even though my spare tire refuses to shrink while my tits just deflate more every day. We live on the second floor so it's two flights to get in from the parking lot, and I do it 3-5 times a day. I was on the toilet this morning (dont worry, i'm not getting grody on ya'll), and we have a full length mirror on the wall behind the toilet, so when I stood up to wipe I caught a glimpse on my rear end and legs. I stopped in my tracks because the bulges on the tops of my thighs are all but gone, the dimples in my legs were almost faded away and i saw definition in my calves. I even have the saggy upper thigh skin going on. The changes in my body is what is keeping me motivated, because the number sure isn't moving like I feel it should. This must be the time where I plateau weight wise, but see the changes in my clothes. Ya wanna know how I feel about that? Perfectly fine. Content. I do want to get smaller, that's the point right? But I'm enjoying my body more than I ever have before (Thank you Jeremy...wink!) and i've started to wonder if it's the transformation I see inside that is changing my reflection in the mirror. :-)

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I'm still looking for a freakin job. In case anyone missed it, I got fired from my job in mid-August. I missed one day and my jerk-off of a supervisor didn't like how I talked to him one day, and called the HR dept to fire me after he left for the day. Pussy. Sorry to be harsh, but damnit...I'm a single mother, trying to move forward, and this pansy ass,nascar lovin, boat shoe wearin, frat boy boss decides to use the one day i missed to let me go. Then they had the nerve to deny my unemployment. You read that right. I've been without money since August. If it wasn't for the generosity of my mother to let me stay without paying, and then Jeremy to use his savings to move us into our place even though I couldn't contribute at all, I'd be up shit creek.
So now I'm searching, penniless, for something making enough to cover my bills. I have applied at restraunts and retail places and have gotten no call back. I've worked in a office setting for the last ten years, but of course those places either aren't hiring, or they say they are and then you get a postcard denial notice in the mail. It's the only negative/frustrating part of my life right now. I'm doing a lot of praying and I apply to about 10 places each day. I'll keep ya'll posted if I get any bites.

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My car is ready at the shop next door to our new place, so I gotta run and get it. One of my GF's had her baby last week and I'm going over there to keep him busy so she can nap, shower and eat. I just love babies!
Have a great weekend. Especially if you are in Chicago. You better miss me damnit, cuz i'm missing you. Muwah! :*

I have a spare...

tire that is around my waist. I can feel the shape of my body changing and I'm definetly losing weight in my belly/waist area but it's making my belly roll more prominent. I'm in need my sisters. Need of YOUR tips or excercises to tighten that area. I'm walking a lot and take two flights of stairs several times per day, but I need to seriously tighten my ab area.

My shirts look great on top and bottom but the middle looks something like this...

So let's hear it ladies. Youre tips for tightening the belly area. I have a long post that I'm working on and will share soon. Lovies!

HELP!

I'm so frustrated i can't even tell you all. I'm desperately trying to get my layout and background and everything changed and it isnt working.
Can someone help please?

Renovations

Sorry I have been missing my dearies, but I've been busy moving into my new apartment with Jeremy! We did major renovation to the dining room area and wanted to post the pictures to show off. :)


Before (the wallpaper was TERRIBLE to strip off and im soooo glad its over!)

After: A few coats of paint, a new table set and some decor and Voila! I haven't found anything for the bare wall yet, suggestions?

New Pictures

My love, my heart, my boyfriend Jeremy and I this past weekend at a friends wedding.

This is me, ROCKING Amy W.'s brown wrap dress. I'm a solid size 22 right now and I felt great in in.

This is what a $11 beer looks like at a concert in the STL.

Cheesin and sweatin...

My family. Brothers, mom and me :)

My bff's graduation party. Jaeger bombs!!

I'm alive!

Where have I been? Living. That's where. :-) Let's play catch up....ready?


First of all I'd like to say that I'm sorry I just disappeared. The only "excuse" that I have it that I've been a single mom, a new"ish" girlfriend and busy busy with family. That doesn't mean I haven't been reading along with you all, I just haven't taken the time to post my own updates. I am also aware that my bandiversary came and went without a post, and for that I'm sorry.

Ok, all that apologizing stuff aside..here is the update.

Weight loss: None. I've been maintaining pretty much. Staying in the same 3-4 pound range for the last couple of months. I joined Gold Gym because my work has a weekly payroll deduction so it's easy to pay for and cheaper than doing it on my own. I haven't gone yet because they require you to do a 1 hour session with a trainer for your first visit and they do it during my work times. I'm going this week no matter what though. I'm ashamed to say that it's been a year since my surgery and I've worked out a total of 5 times. My loss would have reached my goals had I not been so lazy and I have no one to blame but myself. I am mad at myself that I let the band do it's thing and didn't do much to help it along. I told myself when I had it that I would bust my butt to help it work and I didn't. I'm going to spend the second year of my banding to do just that. I've been eating what I would describe as just "ok". Sometimes I'm great about it, other times not so much. I'm a sucker for BBQ and we do that pretty much every weekend and my willpower is as strong as a piece of foil in a hurricane. Ugh.

I was contemplating getting a tiny fill and decided against it for several reasons.

1) My new insurance doesn't cover the band at all. So it's $300 for me to get even the tiniest fill and if i'm too tight, I have to pay another $300 to go in and get the unfill.
2) If I actually ate correctly and worked out, I'd do great with the restriction that I have now. So I'm going to do it for 2 weeks and if at the end I am still starving all the time or not losing, I'll make the appointment.


On the good side, I am still down more weight than I've ever lost before and starting today it's going to continue to go down. Posting will help that I'm sure. I just hope I haven't lost all my readers and commenters. You guys really motivate me and keep me on my toes.


Relationships: Wow, where to start. My divorce is not final yet. The papers have been filed so now it's just a matter of getting a court date to make it legal. He and I are still great friends and other than a few little disagreements here and there, we are doing good. Our son is used to the schedule now and it's been great spending time with him.


I'm seeing an amazing man. His name is "J" and he is my everything. We knew each other in high school and reconnected on Facebook of all places 13 years later. We spend every second we can together and he and Peyton just love each other to death. I am so happy that it's sickening. My mom and sister said that for the first time in my life, I'm my TRUE self. It's an amazing feeling to be able to let go and not have to hold anything back for fear of rejection, or disappointment.

We are looking for apartments right now and are hoping to be moved out of our parents houses by the end of September/October. I know it's only been 6 months we've been seeing each other but it's been the best 6 months of my life. I'm really excited about starting a home with him and my son. More about me and him later, just know that I'm delirously happy and feel like it's finally right. My heart that is :-) If he says ok I'll post some pics of us, I'm not sure how he feels about being online for everyone to see.


Work: I can't remember if I posted about this or not, so bear with me if I did. I changed jobs the first week of June. The drama was getting out of control at my old job and I had to move on. So move on I did. To a smaller, privately owned in-home nursing company. I do all the billing and collections for the nursing services and I deal with the insurance companies and such to ensure payment. I've done it for years and am exceeding expectations here as well. However, there are downfalls of such a small company. People here are in everyones business and don't really care about sabotaging someones livelyhood over petty shit like how long someone was in the bathroom or if they touched the internet on their computer. I'm struggling to stay because I love the work, but not the atmosphere. So we shall see how that goes.

Sisterhood: I have some size 24 pants that I need to donate, also a few tops that are just too big for me to wear anymore, mostly 2xl and 3xl. Anyone in need??

Also, I'm on the hunt for some 20/22 dress pants as well as dressy tops for work (2xl or 22), and casual tops too. Anyone got??

I'm going to go catch up from the weekend. I love you all and hope I haven't lost you. HUGS!

Very sad today...

I don't think I'm going to be able to go to Chicago. Money is so tight right now I can barely pay the bills (being newly single sucks ass sometimes), and unless I win the lotto or something crazy happens, I don't think I'll be able to go.
I cried really hard when I realized that even though I live 4 hours from Chicago, that $159 a night, PLUS all the food and drinks and stuff is just too much for me for my situation right now.

Wah :-( Everyone is going to meet and become BFF's and I'll be at home, crying and missing it all.

Fuck.

BYOC

I'm having a crappy week so all I'm posting today is the BYOC. Everyone have a great weekend.


1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be and why?
Wish #1 would be to anxiety free. I know life causes anxiety, but I've dealt with the medical condition and medication for awhile now, and it would be nice to not have to take meds to feel less crazy!
Wish #2 would be a all inclusive vacation to Disney for my little boy.
Wish #3 would be for all my skin to bounce back and be tight without working out.


2)If you had all the money in the world, and perfect circumstances, how many children would you have and what sex?
I already have one son. I'd love a daughter too. One of each.

3) Have you ever faked it?
Um, yes I have. Do I currently? Nope...don't have to and its awesome!

4)What movie character do you think you look like?
Hmmmmm...I've been told Dana Delaney before, anyone else have ideas?

5)Which blog or comment spoke to you?
Amy and her most recent blog. Because I've been there, in that hard spot of uncertainty and I feel her pain. Love you ames!

BYOC...and weigh in

Morning. I feel like shit. Aunt Flo is here with a vengance and being a real bitch. Someone sent a football player over last night and he must have roughed me up in my sleep, because every damn muscle in my body hurts. Boo.

That being said...I still had a loss this week. I weighed in at 264.8 this morning, period and all. I think its like a 1.2 lb loss. Whatever it is, I'm taking it.


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BYOC

1) If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be and why?
Dora the Explorer. She is bi-lingual, travels a lot and has a magic backpack. Who doesn't want a magic backpack?

2)Who was your teenage heart throb?
It was more pre-teen  but Joey from the New Kids on the Block. I had this satin pillow with his picture on it (its still in my closet) and the mouth is all but rubbed off from me kissing it all the time. LMAO!

3)Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or simply about overeating?
It's 100% mental. At least for me it was. It's still the struggle I have, even with my band.

4)What is your all time favorite song?
Shit. That's hard because I love all types of music. Probably Someone to Watch Over Me by Ella Fitzgerald. It's my favorite song to sing and has such passion.

5)Whose blog spoke to me this week?
Amy W. 's recent one with the pictures. How amazing she looked is a serious motivator for me. We started at close to the same weight and size and just when I'm down in the crapper about this whole weight loss thing, she posts something motivating and it gets my motor going again. Thanks Ames for being such a inspiration.


It's rainy and crappy here today and supposed to do it all damn weekend. My BFF is getting her bachelors tomorrow, and I'm soo proud of her that there are almost no words. She works full time, has two toddlers and did it, at 31 years old. I love you Beth, you are awesome!

Have a great weekend!

RECIPE!

I made these the other night and they were AMAZING! I didn't get a picture, sorry.



Chicken Rollups


4 chicken breasts, pounded thin
1 block FF cream cheese
2 pieces bacon (do NOT use turkey bacon, unless its crispy)-crumble small or cut small
parmesean cheese
salt n pepper

Preheat oven to 400. Mix cream cheese, parm and bacon and seasonings. Place scoop of mix in the center of each chicken breast, roll up and pin with toothpicks. Place on sprayed baking sheet and drizzle with a little olive oil. Bake for 30 mins and check chicken.

These are creamy and full of flavor and protein. I call it Company Chicken because its soooo good to serve to company to show off. Enjoy!

Ch ch ch Changes

Hiya! Happy Thursday to all my lovely readers. I have a few small things to share today :-)

I had another NSV today. They seem to be happening a lot lately, which is totally ok with me because with all the stress in my life, I need some positive reinforcement damnit.

There are these jeans I've had since surgery. They are a slim fit, boyfriend style(little tears and stuff) in a "slim 22" size and I put them in my bottom dresser drawer to save for the future. I tried them a few months ago and got them to mid thigh and was like, HELL NO, and put them away.  Well this morning I was in a hurry to get dressed and I just reached in the drawer and grabbed the first pair I touched. Slipped them on and looked in the mirror and about passed out. I had grabbed these and they looked amazing! No tight waist, no pulling legs, no breathing issues. My ass and legs looked slim and awesome and I ran into my moms room at 7am and woke her up to show her. Can we say NSV?? I knew we could. WOOT WOOT!

Second, my weigh in day. I changed it to Friday's. Why you ask? Because it gives me the motivation to do good thru the weekend, but also a little wiggle room in case we go out to dinner over the weekend. It seems to be working great so far, and keeping me VERY motivated to make better choices when I'm not in my regular schedule like the week. So tomorrow I'll update my ticker hopefully for the better :)


I'm asking all of you for advice on restriction. I haven't had much for the last month or so, but a week or so ago, it showed up with a vengance. For example....a month ago I could eat a 6 inch subway, bread and all. Now I take two bites and I almost PB. I had 4 triscuits and a string cheese hours ago and i'm still full. WTF? How can my fill from a month ago have taken this long to kick in?
I had a fill scheduled for today and cancelled it last night. I do NOT want repeat of the overfill, so I'm just going to work this restriction to my advantage until it goes away then reschedule.

Here is my food for today...

B-coffee w/ FF vanilla creamer
S- 4 triscuits, LF string cheese
L-baked chicken breast, steamed broccoli
S- grapes
D- lemon pepper tuna patties w/ mayo sauce


Lovies! I'll be back tomorrow with my weigh in results.

I'm sitting at my desk, wearing a nearly translucent (and unflattering in every way possible) white polo shirt that my work gave me and required that i wear with dress slacks and heels, getting ready for a conference this afternoon. What is it about you are wondering?



Diversity.



My company feels the need to herd us like cattle into a college auditorium so we can hear a woman talk about how she came from the deepest part of the ghetto and made something of herself and is a Dr now. I think thats wonderful, but tell me why I have to sit and listen ALL DAY. Is it going to make me work harder at my job? No. Is it going to get me a day behind on my work? Yes


I have to be very careful what I say about my work here because there are some bitches that follow peoples personal lives online and bring it back to work as retaliation. Why you ask? Because they have no life except drama. Enough said.
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As we all know, today is Wednesday. Which means its Payday! Not literally.....let me explain.

When my ex and I were trying desperately to get preggo (I have PCOS bad), we went thru a lot of fertility treatments and after a year and a half we got pregnant with our son Peyton. My mom called him my Payday because it finally paid off. She still calls him Payday now and it's a cute nickname.

I get my son from Wed after preschool at 5pm till Saturday at 5pm when he goes back to his dad. It's as if my week changed from a M-F and looking forward to the weekends, and now my week starts on Wed when I get my sweet boy. So, rain or not, conference or not, I get to love and squeeze my little man who is growing like a weed. Here he is with his BFF Eddie. Peyton is on the right. I know I'm biased but he is the cutest thing ever.

So there you have it. My totally random, not band related at all post. Have a great wednesday!

NSV!!!!

Ok peeps, get this.... I have kneecaps. Did you know that? I thought I might because when I was a kid my mom took a lot of pictures, and somewhere I remember seeing them. It's been that long though.

My wonderful mom and I were lounging around on the couch the other night and I looked down at my leg(in shorts no less!) and was like, HOLY SHIT BATMAN! (I think i actually said that...i'm such a dork!) I had a kneecap, it was hard and round and i could feel it. I stared in wonder for awhile and my mom was just smiling at me and kinda shaking her head. It was the first time in YEARS that my knee didn't look like a huge blob of fat. This made me feel so good that I wore dressy capri's to work the next day and got lots of compliments.
Now i'm sure you are like, WTF Ramona....you find your kneecaps and only wear capri's that don't show them? Um, no I didn't. Apparenlty my thighs haven't gotten the memo the knee's did, but that's ok, they will eventually and I'll take pics of my first shorts outing, when it happens. :-)

That's all I have today. A whole post about my kneecaps, aren't you glad you read this? I know I am. Someone else in the world just smiled because they read my post, what could be better than that?

Peace out homies!

BYOC! Friday May 7th edition

1. Do you have any nicknames?


Yes I do. My son calls me Mom, Mama and Mommy. My mother calls me Miss or Missy because when I was little I was a “prissy missy” and it stuck. My ex called me Bean because I farted a lot. Amy W. calls me MoMo.



2. What was my “last straw” that brought on me wanting the LapBand?

My son. He wanted mommy to play with him, go for walks, ride with him on the merry go round and I was too fat and tired to do that. I got tired of sitting on the couch eating, crying and missing his childhood.





3. What’s your favorite joke or funny story?

You’re momma is so fat, she is on BOTH sides of the family.



4. If you could be a TV dinner, what flavor would you be?

Something cheesy with chicken and a big ole brownie.



5. What blog post or comment stuck with you this week?

Mine! I was FINALLY able to post that I’ve lost 50 lbs with my band.

50 POUNDS LOST!!!

Where in the hell?






Hi there! No…I didn’t die, fall into a ditch, get run over by a reindeer or any other absurd thing you can imagine. Life got busy, I got busy and well damn…I’m just a slacker I suppose



First of all I must announce that I have hit one of my goals. 50 pounds lost!!!! As of this morning I am 265.5 which is actually 50.5 lbs but ok. It’s taken me a lot longer than others, but I got there and I’m really happy about it. I’m solidly in 22’s on the bottom and mostly 1xl (some 2xl on cotton top) on tops. My shoe size is a 9.5 now, not a 10w like before. My bra before was a 46 E, now I’m in a 42 DD and it’s getting big. I’m almost small enough to buy a bra from VS!!!

I guess I could take some measurements if I think about it later. So…WOOHOO!!

My next goal is to hit 100 lbs lost by the BOOBS convention in late September. That gives me almost 5 months to kick ass, take names, and lose 50 lbs.





I had a check up last week with my surgeon and have 8.5 cc’s in my band. They think I don’t need anymore fills. Some days I agree with them, other times I don’t. Of course the days I think they are crazy and that I for sure need a fill are also the ones in which I eat all slider foods and don’t pay attention to portion sizes. When I actually measure my food and eat good I feel it working. I have a fill appt next Thursday for a .25 baby fill. I think I’m going to take it and then be done for awhile. I have decent restriction that will get better with a baby fill.



Speaking of babies. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT. Sorry to shout and shit, but you know how some people are that ready my blog, everything is taken literally, so that was for you. You know who you are.

Anywho’s……babies. I have one and I thought I wouldn’t want any more, well that has changed. I want at least one more, if not two more. Now, I’m not in any position or place to get pregnant right now, and am preventing that from happening. But its been on my mind a lot as I lose weight and as I am getting older. How am I going to feel after losing 100lbs or more then getting pregnant and gaining weight and having to lose what I gained during the pregnancy all over again. Also, that would mean that my tummy tuck that will be much needed, would need to be postponed until after the babies. Basically I’m looking at years of dealing with excess belly skin just to wait for more babies. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.





Things are moving along with the paperwork that will make me a divorced woman. We are still getting along civilly for our sons sake and the custody arrangement is working out really well. Since I am not paying a lawyer $1500 to file my paperwork, I’m doing it myself and once I submit them next week we will just wait for a court date to make it official. I know everyone involved will be relieved when all of this is finalized.





BOOBS-Chicago. The plan is still for me to go and room with Tiffani. I’m really looking forward to meeting everyone and I know there are some people going that I’ve never read their blogs before. I promise to try this weekend to get thru some of them and get to know you all.





Pictures. VLOG. Stats. These are all things I am hoping to get posted this weekend to catch you all up.



I love you’s. xxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

BOOBS and stuff...

BOOBS~ I’m GOING! I’m soooo fucking excited it’s so close to me that I can choose to either drive or fly. Let me ask what you ladies think.


I am about 5 hours driving from Chi-town, but it costs to park everyday there and the gas to get there and back. But I’d have a car.

Or, I can fly for $179 roud trip and not have to worry about the car at all.



Thoughts???



I’m going to be roomies with Tiffani and the thought of meeting everyone has me soooooo excited and more motivated to get some more weight off so I can look as HOTTTT as all of you ladies will.

I just pulled a one inch long thick, wiry gray hair out of my head by my bangs. OMG! I’m 31 and they are here already? I’m stressed, I get it, but damn GINA!



I made a 5 minute video on my camera last night but couldn’t get it to upload to the computer so obviously couldn’t post it, but I’m going to try again tonight.



Todays food….



B-coffee

S- banana

L-grilled chicken, grilled shrimp, tomato/mozzarella salad in balsalmic

S- string cheese

D-salmon patties, salad w/ light Italian



My brother in law moved the elliptical machine into our basement yesterday, so I’m going to workout tonight and see how long I can go without dying. LMAO! I bet it’s not even 5 minutes.

BYOC #4

Howdy peeps. I've been missing because my work blocked internet at our desks and my home internet was not letting us log in. But I'm back!!!

Here is my BYOC Draz.....:-)

Oh, and if someone does not give me the details on the Chicago get together, I'm gonna cry. Im only 4 hours from there and am coming. Please someone, send me some info.

1. If you ever won the lottery – what’s the very first thing you’d do?


Well, I'd do two things. I'd hire a lawyer and quit my job.




2. What is your favorite curse word?

Mine is F#ck and Sonofabitch. All ran together like that.  :) I'm a sailor, what can i say?


3. What is your favorite holiday and why?

Christmas. Im a christian, so there is that aspect, it also represents love and family to me.


4. What turns you on?

Good lord. Um...Hmm.

Being kissed below my earlobe in the soft part of my neck. Having my ass grabbed. Dirty talk.
A good smelling man. Strong hands. Candles and pillows :)


5. Whose blog spoke to you, stayed with you, meant the most to you, stands out to you this week and why?

I read about a thousand this week. The one that stayed with me was when Amy W posted her newest bikini pictures and it was the looking down at her body shot. I was like...OMG Ramona, you could actually look like that someday. It was a body I was envious of and that made my journey seem worth it. I love you Ames


Im trying to get my video camera working so I can VLOG for awhile. We shall see.
Oh, weight is 269, holding steady with no loss or gain.

BYOC

Here we go with Draz's BYOC. Enjoy!


1. If you could have lunch with a famous person who would it be and what would you order?
Wow, what a hard question. I love famous people. Hmmmm......I guess I would say Clay Aiken. I'd LOVE to sing with him and record it somehow. He has a amazing voice and seems like a really nice person. I'd be his fag hag if he asked :-P


2. Where’s the furthest place you’ve traveled to?

Cancun Mexico. Its at the bottom tip of Mexico, so I'd say that's pretty far away.

3. If you could describe yourself in 4 words – what would they be?

Loyal, Loving, Kissable and Outgoing

4. What’s one interesting thing about you we don’t know?
I keep everything. Movie ticket stubs from 15 yrs ago, every picture my son colors at school, clothes that are waaaay out of style, even VHS tapes of my favorite old movies. I'm not like the crazies on Hoarders, but I love having those sentimental things. When I moved in February most of the boxes were my little trinkets and stuff that went straight to the basement. LOL


5. Finally – whose blog spoke to you, stuck with you, stayed in your mind, resonated with you – this week – and why?

My own. Sounds snobby right? I have been in a FUNK with a capital F lately. I'm guilty of letting every little thing, songs, movies, convo's, food, shows, everything get to me. My upbeat post earlier in the week was a turning point for me, at least in the latest battle to "find myself" on this journey.

It's Flip Flop weather!

So I changed my page to reflect my love of them and spring! Woohoo :)

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

won't you be my neighbor? :)

It's a sunshine, spring filled Tuesday here in the STL and even though I fell (like a ton of bricks) sunday morning and badly sprained my left ankle, I'm still happy.
Easter weekend was beautiful weather wise, I spent it with friends and family and it was so great. Yes I ate too much, but who didn't? I also sat outside in the breeze and watched my beautiful son play in the yard with his cousins with a HUGE grin on my face.

Sometimes I let the negative things in my life bring me down, more often than not I do this and I'm trying to start a fresh life for myself where I can appreciate the beauty in the positive things and not let the negative get me down.
I have a job that I love (most of the time), friends who love me unconditionally, family that is always there, the most beautiful and smart child I could ask for, a civil seperation, old friends coming back into my life and making it so much better than I ever thought possible. The weather has been nice, I'm comfortable where I'm living and even though money is so tight I can hear it squeaking, I'm surviving. Life is good. I am blessed.

So who cares (at least today) that I have gained weight in the last two weeks regarless of my fill? Who cares that I have a overflowing basket of laundry all over my floor? Who cares that I only have $6 to my name until payday on Friday?
Not me. Not today and hopefully not in the future.
I want to be the best me that I can be. I want to love and be loved in return for who I am completely. I'm there and it's so great.
I want to be comfortable with my body and I'm getting there slooooooowly but surely and starting to move more than I ever have and am going to continue doing it. You are all great motivators and the box of size XL tops that Amy W sent me is motivating too because they are so cute and way too tight right now.

Hug the people that love you and support you and smile today. You are healthier than you were, happier than you were and cared about more than ever.

I love you all. Hugs!

Now that's funny right there

Gooood Morning peeps! I had my mini fill this morning and got .25cc's which brings me up to 8.5 in my 14cc band. They made me drink that barium shit and I almost barfed on the dr. The flavor and texture made my mouth water and the tech girl grabbed a trash bag. I was embarassed but they are dr's and have seen it all I figure. I didn't vomit until after the dr took the needle out of my port thank god. He said the restriction looks great and he doesnt think I'll need another fill after this (um.....yeah right dude). So i'm supposed to go back in a month and see how its going.

Onto other HILARIOUS things. So I'm sitting in the waiting room at 8am and in walks a couple. She looked "normal" enough, but OMG I actually giggled out loud for a second and covered it up by a cough when I saw her husband. Imagine this man..with dark brown hair. His shorts were so tight he could barely sit and his sleeveless shirt showed a bunch of blurry tattoos and of course the traditional "hoosier" barbed wire arm ring.

Business in the front, Party in the back! LMAO!


Sorry to curse, but it fucking cracked me up! The only thing this man was missing was a fanny pack. LMAO! Of course it's 1030am and i'm STILL giggling.

Ok, work is calling and I cant slack too much since we are sort on peeps for the holiday.
Here is my "food" for today.

B-Nada
S-coffee
L-soup
S-string cheese (chew to mush)
D-maybe mashed potatoes or soup

Love yas!

insert clever title here....

Howdy! It's a 80 degree day here in the Lou and I get my little man tonight for the next 3 days and I'm happy about that. I have a small fill tomorrow, so I will be on liquids tomorrow and depending on the fill, possibly Friday.

My mom and I are hosting Easter at our place this year. Ham, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, dumplings, veggie tray, chips and dip, pies and cakes. I am VERY happy that I'm getting a fill tomorrow so I can be in control, especially around all the damn chocolate and jelly beans that will be floating around.


Im going to post some before and current pics either tonight or tomorrow. Should be interesting.

Have a great evening. Love yas!

Today

I ate a jelly donut for breakfast and puked for 20 minutes after.  :-(

The End.

I lost it....

Restriction that is. It's crazy to me how .75cc's can make such a DRASTIC difference in my weight and quantity of food. Wowsa! I have a small fill this thursday morning at 8am. I hope it helps some because if it isn't nailed down, it's in my mouth, down my throat and on my tummy roll before I know what it was I put in there in the first place. Shit guys, you have no idea.

I've always been a emotional eater. Happy, sad, angry, stressed etc. We have ALL been there at some point or another and anyone that says they haven't are seriously delusional. LMAO
Obviously I have a lot going on these days. The seperation, the new place to live, new people in my life, old people out of my life, my son, work, good weather, free time. All of these things I am LETTING effect me and how I am eating. I haven't watched a calorie in God knows how long. Well that stops today.

My work is doing the Biggest Loser competition again. We did it the first 2 months of the year and out of 30 people I came in 5th. Not too shabby I say. More people were expecting me to shoot to the top of the list because of my band. Well I showed them that someone with a band can gain or even have a small loss and that I have to work as hard as any of them do even though I have a "cheat" as someone called it once. Well screw them. Im human and got to 316 lbs at my highest weight because of lack of one thing...SELF CONTROL. I'm slowly getting it back and with help of my biggest supporter and BFF Elisha, we are going to do this together at work. Every...stinkin...day. We are going to walk on our lunch break and not order out lunch and of course get in our water. I'm tired of not changing sizes, of feeling like a fatty again because I've let myself gain 5 lbs in the last 3 weeks by just being plain lazy.

And that's all I have to say about that! :-P I'm at 270 today. A 3 lb gain from last week, and I got back to 270 which once I hit 269 I "said" I wouldn't ever see again. I'm not a liar, I just let myself slip...so sue me! :-p

Here is to a new start, a bright and sunny Monday.
I love you my supporters. Without you I'd just be another crazy bitch talking to myself......just picturing that makes me giggle.

HUGS!!

Friday Funnies

Hiya! It's a sunny PAYDAY Friday here in the STL and I'm doing good. Work is work, bills are bills and my weight is the same. Now on to more interesting things.

I got this in a email yesterday and I laughed my ass off and sent it to everyone I knew. So steal this mo-fo and share it, let women everywhere laugh like I did.

THE MOOD RING

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,

bought me a mood ring the other day so he would

be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood it turns Green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a BIG red mark on his FUCKING forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

LMAO!

I want to give a shout out and a thank you to Drazil for my Ho-Bag award. Thanks bunches!

Have a great weekend. Love ya's!

Where have I been?

Busy. Tired. Busy. Tired.....and rinse and repeat!

I had no loss or gain this week. I didn't get a fill last thursday but I need one. It's almost like once they unfill you, they are scared to put any back in. Well damnit, I need some fricken restriction. LOL I'm going to call today and see if I can get in next week.

So it's 9am here in STL and I've already spent $60. How you ask? Because they are having a damned book fair in the cafeteria and they always have great cookbooks and kids books. At least they have payroll deduction. Heehee

Here is my food for today, then I gotta run.

B-Coffee, 2 bites of sausage biscuit
S-coffee
L-pulled pork and a little taco dip
S-cookie
D-salmon and salad

Love you's! Oh....wait...........I'm in need. I need size 22 jeans or work slacks that are not petite. Anyone?

Somewhere over the rainbow....

Bluebirds fly and every one of them is shitting on me right now. LMAO!!!!

I wanted to pop in for a quick update while I'm thinking about it.

Remember 2 weeks ago when I was so tight at 9cc's that I couldnt even keep liquids down? Well fast forward 2 weeks and I can eat anything I want (other than bread still) and almost as much as I want. So I called my dr today and set up a tiny smidge of a fill for this thursday. The nurse said he will just go in .25 cc increments until I want to stop. Who knows? Maybe 9cc's isnt too full for me, maybe it was the jump from 7.5 to 9 that set off the reaction I had. Hmmmmm...

I had a two pound gain this week after being down from the overfill. I'll take it because I've been eating everything in sight (between PMS, stress and unfill I was starvin) and that stopped today. I've started measuring out my portions and started walking again.

Here is my food for today then I gotta get back to work. I love you all, thanks for your support. I'll be back :-)

B-coffee
S-string cheese
L-small salad and turkey/cheese rollup
S-almonds and a handful popcorn
D-baked fish and steamed broccoli
S-milk and 2 thin mints

My personal life

Hello my lovely blog followers. It's a dreary, drizzly, dark Tuesday here in St. Louis and I'm in a kinda crabby/headache mood and instead of focusing on work, I've been thinking about all the questions I've been getting from people (IRL, not on here) about my personal life and what's been going on with me and the husband.

Now here is my mini vent. It's no ones damned business unless I want it to be. There are a few people (my mom, my sister, my BFF) that know everything about both sides etc, but for the most part people get the short SHORT version which is "It didn't work out and I live at my moms now" which is usually enough, but not lately. People want more details and frankly, I'm not giving any and probably seem like a bitch. But you know what? It was my marriage, and it's my life now that I'm dealing with (well if i do say so myself) and I'm sure as hell not going to go blabbing to everyone about what's happening or not happening with my marriage and my personal life now that I don't life with him anymore.
Before a few months ago I would have posted how things were going on here, but not anymore my friends. At least not yet. Not only does the husband read this, his friends do too and one of them actually gives the others heads up when I post something they might think is interesting, and THAT is the reason why no one has a in depth update on my personal life.
Here is what I'm giving for now.

~We are being civil for our sons sake.
~The custody arrangement we have seems to be working fantastic for all 3 of us involved.
~Our son is adjusting well with minimal effects that we can see, which is awesome.

I'm done venting for now. I'm sure there will be a day where you all will be up to date on my non weight related personal doings, but for now I'm going to be discreet and I'm sure you all can understand why. I would hate for something I said, or insinuated, to be used against me in any court or anything, so zipped up is what I'm gonna be.
I love you all, your support has meant the world to me and if I can share something without retribution in my real life, then I will....I promise.

HUGS

New TATTOO and a weigh in...

HAPPY MONDAY! I'm in a great mood today as I had a TERRIFIC weekend :)

Friday night I took my little man with some friends to a fish fry and it felt AMAZING to be able to eat some after being so tight in my band for over a week. I had one filet of fried cod and a bite of chocolate cake (my indulgance for the weekend, lol).
Saturday my sister came over with her kids and we had a bbq since it was pushing 60 degrees here in the Lou. Saturday night I went to a friends house to hang out which was fun. Sunday was the kicker. My BFF texted me and said "Lets go get the foot tattoos we have wanted for over a year now". Um.......SURE!
Here is the picture. I'm the foot on the top covered with the plastic. It is a bass cleft and a treble cleft making a heart shape and the words are "La tua Cantante" which means "The Singer" in Italian. We both were music majors so it makes PERFECT sense, and yes we did get the same tattoo on the same foot. It burned liked the pits of hell, but today it is better and I'm so glad we did it. Here it is......

Weigh in results- I gained 1 pound. I'm not shocked at all really since my slight unfill thursday I've been eating like I was starved for a week. Because lets face it....I was frickin starved for a damn week. So I'm at 269...big deal?!?! Nope, I'm not trippin on it at all. I'm wearing some beautiful "sisterhood" clothes today to work in a size 22 and feel beautiful. I really need to get back into the habit of taking pictures in my clothes. Maybe if I remember I will have my mom take one tonight before I change into my sweats.

Ok everyone, its time for me to.....GASP.......work! LOL Have a great day, I love you and I'll be back tomorrow! XOXOXOX

P.S Food for today

B-bacon and cheese quiche
S-coffee
L-grilled chicken breast on top small salad
S-banana
D-baked turkey breast, mashed potatoes

Update on my unfill...

Happy FRIDAY!!! TGIF!

It's supposed to be almost 60 degrees here this weekend and do you know what that means? BBQ's baby. I love BBQ season and since I need protein they love me. I'm making balsalmic marinated chicken breasts for one and burgers stuffed with cheese for the other. Yum!

I got a small unfill yesterday and it has made SOOOOOOO much difference. The dr took out .75 of the 1.5 he put in, so I'm at 8.25 cc's and I can eat again! Woohoo! I havent thrown anything up since my visit and it's great. I was soooooo hungry last night from not eating in a week. I had some spaghetti (like 3 bites), a few girlscout cookies, come potato chips and a huge glass of milk. Not the healthiest choices, but come on, I hadn't eaten in a week so it wont put all the weight back on that I lost, right? :P

Here is my food for today...

B-Coffee w/ FF french vanilla creamer
S- LF string cheese
L- tuna pouch, mini cup of mac n cheese
S-popcorn
D- fish fry fish (no sides so i can eat more fish)

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend and I'll post again soon.
Love ya's!

FANFUCKINTASTIC

That is how I feel right now. I just walked 2 MILES on my lunch break today. My blood is pumping and im sweaty, but damnit if I don't feel energized and great. My plan is to do this at least 3 days a week here.

WOOHOO!!!!!!!

Unfill scheduled

Hello all. I'm popping in to update on how yesterday went. Terrible is a word I would use to describe it. I'm not even keeping water down, only warm liquids like coffee and tea. I felt brave (prolly because I feel like im starving!) and had two bites of very liquidy mashed pots and they came up full force.
I called my surgeons office and the nurse scheduled me to come in tomorrow for a small unfill and I'm on coffee, hot tea and hot broth until friday. I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but its kinda hard when i'm so damn tired from not having any sustenance, it doesn't help either that its that time of the month so I'm drained of iron too. Boooo!
I never thought I'd get to the point of needing a unfill because it took me so long to get to any restriction, but my surgeon was right. You never know when youre gonna hit your sweet spot and we just overshot mine a little.
That's all I got today. It's supposed to be in the high 50's this weekend so we are planning a family BBQ which I always love. My family brings up my spirits for sure. OH! I also get my son tonight till saturday and cant wait to see my little love.

Have a great day ladies and gents. MUWAH! :*

Fly by posting

Just a quick update on my eating.
Last night I got a wild hair and thought I felt better and got chinese with my mom. I had 2 small bites of rice and PB'd, tried two sips of hot n sour soup and PB'd, took one lick of the inside of the crab rangoon and PB'd.
After a hour of sliming over the kitchen sink I needed something in my stomach so I got out the ice cream. Its thick, cold and soothing. I ate HALF A CARTON of damn ice cream. It stayed down and tasted
fan-frickin-tastic. I was constipated this morning from all the dairy but hey, I needed sustinance.

Today I have this...

B-coffee (kept down)
S- string cheese chewed to mush (kept down so far)
L-wild mushroom soup
S-cup of peaches
D- salmon, mashed pots
S- chocolate milk

It's funny to me that the menu above resembles my mushies menu from forever ago. LOL
If I can't keep anything solid down by Friday I'm going to have to call for a small unfill. I REALLY REALLY don't wanna do that, but I'm really tired from no nutrition. Thank god for vitamins.

It is a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L morning....

Hello and HAPPY MONDAY! I'm smiling so big that my face might split in half. LOL


I weighed this morning and was at 268!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My plateau has been broken and I have gotten out of the 270's FINALLY! I was jumping up and down on the scale this morning. That means I had a 5 pound loss again this week.
I had 3 BIG  NSV's this weekend that I want to share with you all.

1) I put on a pair of 22's, stretch boot cut jeans that run really slim in the leg. They went on, zipped, buttoned and made my ass look great. I ran squealing down the hall to show my mom. I sure as hell wore those bad boys out saturday night with some kitten heels,I felt fantastic. I'll have pics tomorrow.

2) I'm at the size and weight I was when I got married almost 7 years ago. This is the first time in 7 years. It feels amazing.

3) I got my hair cut again (more shaped than cut) and got so many "hottie" compliments saturday night that my head started to swell. LOL. It looks sassy and fun, which is how I feel.

I'm kinda floating today. I slept great, look good and mentally this whole losing thing does wonders for my self esteem. I wore a full outfit saturday night that was "Sisterhooded" to me, so thank you AMY, MELISSA AND HEATHER. I'll post pics tomorrow.

Between these mental highs and the coffee I'm sucking down, I'm a bundle of energy today. Too bad I'm not home cleaning right? LOL

Let's talk food before I sign off to actually do the work I get paid to do here.
I'm keeping food down, but in VERY small quantities. Like 2 bites of salmon and a bite or two of mashed pots. This is what I had yesterday and then my food for today.

Sunday
Coffee
string cheese
2 crackers (pb'd)
2 bites chicken-grilled
2 bites mashed potato
milk

Monday-Today
B-coffee
L-String cheese, chicken salad (praying i dont pb)
S-FF tapioca pudding
D-turkey/cheese rollup
S-chocolate milk

I love you all and will be back tomorrow.
HUGS!

5th Fill update

Happy Friday! I just got to work at noon today because my BFF and I went to a kick ass concert a few hours away and didn't get home until the wee hours of the morning, so I took a half day off work and slept in. Ahhhh!!

So I had my 5th fill yesterday and YOWSA! I had 7.5 cc's and now I have 9. I got a 1.5 cc fill and boy did I feel it RIGHT AWAY! I could barely take down any water but it seemed to get better so I left the office and went on my happy way. They are starting a more aggressive fill schedule because patients were compalinging about it being so long between fills and them taking a year to get to their sweet spot. So my dr wants to see me for another fill in 3 weeks. My take on that is if this fill keeps up like it's been going, I won't be doing that fill in 3 weeks.
Last night I had coffee that stayed down, applesauce that did NOT stay down. One lick of the spoon and I was hurling for what felt like forever. This morning I had a sip of tea and back up it came. I'm SUPER DUPER tight right now. I'm sure that as I get more fills, the tighter in the morning I will be. So I'm on liquids only today, and have no plans to push it at all. I feel the constant need to burp but can't. Is this a overfill?
Is this my sweet spot? All I know is that I hope like hell it loosens enough for me to keep down mushies so I can avoid going back in for a unfill.

I get my son tonight and I'm so excited to see him. We have a 50/50 custody arrangement and I've missed my little man. I'm trying to find something fun for us to do tonight and tomorrow since the weather is sunny (but still cold).

I have no food to post since im not keeping even liquids down at this point, but I'm sure I'll have something to post again monday. Have a great weekend!

Love ya's!

It's FILL day....

Hello there! Today at 230pm CST I have my fill. This will be fill #4. I currently have 7.5cc's in my 14 cc band. I'm hoping for a 2cc fill today. I had pretty great restriction the first few weeks of the last fill, then its loosened up some. I'm desperate to break this 270's plateau.

My BFF and I are roadtrippin a few hours west tonight to see Lady Antebellum and Tim McGraw as her bday present. I'm looking forward to the concert, but not driving 2 1/2 hours back at midnight. Oh well, the things we do for those we love right?

So I totally forgot that I had my fill today and had breakfast and my mid morning snack! Oops. I'm sucking water like crazy now trying to clear out my pouch for my fill today.

I hope everyone is having a great day, the sun in shining here in  St. Louis, even though it is butt-ass cold at like 8 degrees.

Love ya!

Shout out to the creators of the band....

I have a NSV to share and it made me super thankful to the inventors of the band. I was in the elevator at work this morning and the woman with me was like"OMG, you are just melting away, honey whatever you are doing is working, you look fantastic!" :-) Well needless to say I was smiling like a fool and just said "Thank you". Now I could have gone into some long speal about the band and all that, but I could tell she wouldn't care really. I do care though. If it wasn't for this band that some people created to help addicted and lost folks like me, I'd still be on the spiral of death known as food addiction and compulsive overeating. So KUDOS to you peeps that made the band possible. You made my day today.

Food for today-

B-coffee, small slice of thin crust pizza-cold (in the car no less, lol)
S- RF string cheese
L-4 grilled shrimp, steamed broccoli, guts of baked potato
S-baked cheetos (YUMMMMMMMY!)
D-baked chicken and veggies
S-glass of FF skim milk and a few strawberries


I'm feeling good today. My clothes are a little loose and the looks I'm getting from people are making my confidence go up. If I look good at 272 I can't even IMAGINE what it will look or feel like at 200 even. Holy shit! :-)

Have a great day all. I love's ya!

Follow the yellow brick road....

Good Morning and Happy Monday to all of you beautiful people. I can't thank you enough for all of your support and love, it actually makes me tear up thinking about it and I have a "face" (makeup) on today so I'm going to skip the mushy stuff today so it doesn't run and have me looking like the Joker. Just please know I love you all and couldn't have done this without your support.

Okie dokie. So Friday was hard...Hellloooooo Captain Obvious. It was busy and stressful but it is over now. Thank GOD! Saturday was busy with unpacking and cleaning and stuff. I had Peyton friday night and saturday and it was wonderful to get that one on one time with him. His Dad picked him up at 5pm and I was sad to see him go but knew I would talk to him several times a day. I went out with friends and had a good time, attempted to sleep in Sunday (yeah right...8am is sleeping in for me) and spent the rainy Sunday being lazy and not really unpacking any more than I had on Friday. LOL

I left my scale at the house so I couldn't weigh in today yet. There is one here at work that I'm going to attempt to get on before I eat something, so I'll see what that says. I haven't been eating a lot this past week so I hope I see a loss.  EDITED TO ADD-I just weighed in and was at 272!! So a loss of 5 lbs this week from 277. I can't get my ticker up top to update but I'll keep trying.

My mom and I got healthy foods to make for dinners this week. No hamburger helper, spaghetti, burgers and fries. We got salmon, shrimp, tilapia, chicken breast, salad fixins and some lean turkey and ham lunchmeat. Here is my food for today...

B-Coffee w/ FF vanilla creamer
S-jennie-o turkey breast slices, string cheese
L-BBQ Beef with baked beans (abt 1 cups worth)
S-strawberries
D-shrimp, broccoli and a little mashed potato with sour cream


Work is calling so I can't catch up on your blogs right now, but I promise I will tonight ok?

I LOVE YOU'S!!!!!!! Have a great monday. HUGS

The worst day of my life

I apologize in advance for the negative tone of this non band related post.

I'm moving out today. My head is spinning, my heart is numb and my face is swollen. Swollen from tons and tons of tears. I know this is the right thing to do, but that knowledge doesn't make me feel better today. Our son has been clinging to me and asking over and over when I'm leaving. :-(
My husband has been my best friend for 8 years and I'm going to miss that a lot. I'm sure some of you are wondering why then am I leaving. There is more to a marriage than being friends, and it's hard to explain and honestly I don't want to. I also don't feel like I have to explain to anyone but him, which I have done.

I've had coffee today and some strawberries. There are no plans for lunch and mom made stew for dinner but who knows if i'll eat any. I will have internet at my moms as of tomorrow but wont probably post until my weigh in on Monday.

Thank you for all of your support, I promise to be more upbeat and get this blog back on track.
love ya's!

The Devil

These are the DEVIL! Oh soooooo cheesy and yummy and oooooh so not good for me.

Change

Hello blog family. My weigh in showed me at 272 yesterday, so that brings my total weight loss to 44 pounds. I won't be surprised if I either have a huge gain coming or a huge loss, it's how my body deals with drama.

I know this is a blog about my weight loss, but I'm a emotional eater and I sure as hell have emotional things happening right now, so I feel its a safe spot to mention it.

My husband and I are seperating. I'm moving out into my moms house this coming Friday the 19th. It's been hard emotionally and physically for me. We grew apart and the spark died and as sad as it is, it is what it is. It's been coming for awhile now and I couldn't go on the way it was anymore. He is my best friend and I hope that we can get back to that point in friendship, but right now he is angry, hurt and having fuel added to the fire by his guy friends. I understand they are on his side, but it takes two to tango and this didn't happen all on my shoulders, so I kinda wish they would realize that and not try to be so harsh about it. He and I are trying to have a amicable seperation and deal with things in a adult way, and to have immature people being rude about me and egging him on isn't helping. :::SIGH:::
I spent all day yesterday packing my things. Actually what I did was walk room to room crying my eyes out. This hurts me too, a LOT. To pack up my life from the last eight years into boxes, to see how bare the walls are and see it all go into boxes hurt my heart. I'm going to miss the comfort of being there, of our friendship. So I cried all damn day and packed as much as I could. The rest will have to wait till this friday when I have another day off. We are working on custody arrangements of our little boy who is almost 4years old. That's going to be interesting, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that we can be civil about him because NO ONE can ever say we arent great parents to him.

I'm drained and border between wanting to binge eat and not wanting to eat at all. I'm going to read all of your happy blogs now to bring up my spirits and may not post much this week, but I am with you all.

I love you's :)

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Hello my lovelys. I've missed you all :) I've been busy at work and at home, there are a lot of changes happening in my personal life that have kept me from the computer lately. But I'm here now with a tiny update.

My scale isn't moving in either direction. I guess that's a good thing right now. I've always been a stress eater and since I can't do it to the capacity I was pre-band, I'm finding myself going for slider foods for comfort. Mashed potatoes with cheese, potato chips, brownies etc.
I'm going to call the psych i saw for my pre-op exam and see about monthly sessions with her to work on this head hunger and the addiction to the bad foods. :::sigh:::

Here is my food for today, then I need to sign off and actually get some work done.

B-Coffee
S-total raisin bran w/ milk
L-garden salad w/ salmon and balsalmic vinnegrette
D-crockpot chicken w/ cheese and sour cream (no extra carbs)

Love ya's!

My Bucket List

Here is my Bucket List. 50 things I want to do before I die. Post yours so we can see.

Ramona’s Bucket List








1. Visit Ireland & Scotland

2. sing on a major stage-the Muny or Fox

3. go parasailing

4. do a sexy photo shoot

5. buy a brand new car

6. take Peyton to Disneyworld

7. visit NYC, see a Broadway show

8. Visit as many states as possible

9. get more into Photography

10. read the top 100 books of all time

11. read the bible

12. conquer my fear of water where I cant see the bottom

13. learn how to dance

14. Run a marathon

15. swim with dolphins

16. learn another language

17. do a cartwheel

18. go horseback riding

19. knit a scarf/blanket

20. have a second baby

21. take cake decorating classes

22. go rock climbing

23. record a cd with my BFF

24. serve a meal at a homeless shelter

25. finish my sons baby scrapbook

26. print all the pictures from the day Peyton was born till the present and make a album

27. research my family tree and make one

28. have a set brunch day with my family

29. own a Burberry purse

30. try a new food

31. pay off my student loans

32. take cooking classes

33. become proficient at Excel

34. write a will and letters to my family

35. blog-(began 2009 & ongoing)

36. meet someone famous and get a picture with them

37. get rid of my past debt

38. visit the Grand Canyon

39. reach my goal weight

40. visit the Sydney Opera House

41. start a business with my family

42. See a Indianapolis Colts game in Indy

43. See as many music concerts as possible

44. Make amends with my father

45. grow and not kill a flower garden

46. help someone change their life

47. stay away from “addictive” things-soda, excessive alcohol etc.

48. be honest no matter the consequences

49. Be happy with who I am

50. Pay it forward

Where did my band go???

I think I lost it yesterday. My band, my restriction, my control. Holy shit people. You have no idea. I guess compared to before the band I didnt eat that much, but seriously? I ate ALL...DAY...LONG. It was a bite here and a bite there but it was so much more than I needed. Nothing got stuck, not even the pasta or french fries. Here is what I ate from noon to 9pm yesterday.

bowl of cream cheese dip and chips
cheese and crackers
chicken wings
mostacolli
french fries
dump cake
cheeseball and crackers
chili
cookies
wine
milk

Can we all go OMG together?? I knew we could. I was at a Superbowl party with my son at my sisters house and there were TONS of people there. We all just picked at the food each time we walked thru the kitchen. Grazing in the most intense sense of the word. Not only did I spend a hour in the bathroom this morning (my intestines were really pissed at me) but I also did my weigh in.

5lbs gain. Now I don't know how acurate that is because saturday I was down 2 lbs. I doubt its possible to gain 7 lbs in one day so I may do my weigh in officially tomorrow to let yesterdays food get thru me. I dunno. Thoughts?

I'm at work and needing to get busy. I love you all. If you see my band or restriction please ship it back to me ASAP ok?

Love ya's

I am now a pro at PB'ing

As gross as it sounds, I can tell when I am going to and I'm getting great at taking care of it in 3 heaves or less. LOL. Today at lunch I had fajitas with my mom and ate a small piece of steak. Well it got stuck. I sat there for about 3 minutes with my mouth full of spit, hoping it would move on its own. Nope, it was lodged in there. Even a few months ago I would have panicked and gotten all upset. Nope again. I made my way quietly to the bathroom and mimiced heaving 3 times and the little sucker popped out and plopped into the toilet. Ahhhhh...instant relief. Not to mention instant hunger. I washed up and went back to my lunch. My mom just stared at me when I sat down. She was expecting me to be all upset and not into my food. Nope for a 3rd time people. I was calm and hungry. Crisis averted. Woohoo!

Here is my lunch. Shrimp, grilled chicken and grilled pork with sour cream and guacamole. Can we all say YUMMO together?? I knew we could.

Tender

I'm not going to post much today. I'm tender today. My feelings were hurt yesterday and between crying myself to sleep and sleeping like shit, i'm not really in the mood to chat much but I do want to post my food. I can tell I need to drink more water because my lower back hurts, which is signs of me getting a kidney infection. Ugh.
Love you all. I'll be back to my happy self tomorrow.


Today




B-coffee

S-pretzles

L-chicken salad, string cheese, peaches(?)

S-green grapes

D-ham n beans, cornbread

S-skim milk

Here's lunch...

Apparently my vagina is making a impact....

Happy Tuesday my lovely followers. By the title of my post, some of you are prolly scratching your head. Well here it goes.
Remember last week when I was excited that during my weigh in that I could look at my feet and see my va-jay-jay? Well to us bandsters, we understand this. Well, my husband and his guy friends read my blog, which I was unaware of, and they were talking about me blogging about my vagina. So last night we are in WalMart and husband says" Hey, I talked to "Guy" and hesaid heread about your vagina on your blog, so I called "other guy" and asked him if he read about your vagina too" I was kinda mortified. I mean, I know people read my blog, but to have the husband and his guy friends talking so flippantly about my jay-jay disturbed me. So if any of you are reading this, please don't talk about my private stuff in public. If it continues I'll have to block any non-registered readers. This is my place to vent and share. If you are happy for my weight loss great, if you are reading along for shits and giggles and to pick apart my life, then don't bother.  The End.

Here is my food today. I'm trying something new, only bringing 2 snacks and lunch and not eating anything else, no matter what. Also I'm planning my dinners in advance and not deviating from it. This kind of structure really helps me. Plus I'm a control freak, so there ya go. LOL

B-coffee w/ pumpkin spice creamer
S-RF wheat thins
L-low carb wheat tortilla w/ thin cut ham and a string cheese, peach slices in natural juice
S-large red apple
D-chicken salad, small handful of pretzles
S-LF Skim chocolate milk


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are doing Biggest Loser here at work and my weigh in was today. It said I was down 1.5 this week, but my home scale said down 4 lbs since last monday. Well fuck.

I got my nails DID last night and they look cute. I'll edit this post with a cute pic here in a minute.
Gotta get to work, they do pay me to work right? LOL

Love ya's!

Well grrrrr...

Hi there everyone. I'm in a good mood again today, but a little miffed about my damn scale. I have started weighing everyday so I can gauge my food and cut the carbs a little if I notice a gain. So last night I wondered how I was doing and weighed in at 274 even. Ok, no loss but no gain. I'll take it. This morning, um....no. It showed 276.6. I did not gain 2.6 lbs overnight and I didnt eat or drink after I weighed either.
Pfffftttttt.

Not much else going on today. I'm going to be splurging on myself with some tax money and will be sure to post any and all pics of my shopping adventures.

Food for today:

B-coffee w/ sweet n low, one oatmeal raisin cookie
S-coffee
L-salmon, small salad w/ lite ranch
S-sourdough pretzle nuggets.
D-turkey and cheese rollups, baked chips
S-FF chocolate milk

Clothes finds!!

I had to share these in case anyone else was looking.

Walmart.com Levi's,Slimming Effects, size 22, only  $22.68

WalMart.com, Catalina Swimsuit, $16

Walmart.com, 3 pack lace panties, $12

Walmart.com, Dr Scholl's Womens Gel-pac Loafers, all sizes, $20

Brain farts and fumble bums

Howdy and happy Friday! I'm at work and in a fan-frickintastic mood. I've hit my production numbers for the week and am able to go thru some paperwork in a leisurely manner today, no rushing and being stressed. Ahhhh it's nice.
I've had several fumble bum moments today. It started in the gas station when I sprayed creamer all over the counter, then dropped every single packet of sweet n low I picked up. This man just stared at me as I stood there laughing like a loon at my clumsiness. When I made it back out to the car I couldnt find my car keys. A moment of panic set in and I went walking back to the store to look for them. I found them. IN MY HAND as I reached for the door handle to go in. Can we say brain fart? LMAO!

We are getting our taxes done tomorrow and I'm excited because we will be able to pay off some large bills and breathe a little more each paycheck. Also i'm going out with friends tomorrow night and it's always nice to have some me time. I want to go get a mani/pedi and get my eyebrows waxed in the morning. I never did do that for my birthday and so I'm treating myself. Be prepared for pics of the nails. :)

My size 24 jeans are too big. I have to roll the waist down so they dont slide off my hips. I'm going to check out some 22's at Walmart this weekend and see how I feel. Usually the thighs are tight when the waist fits, so I might just be buying a belt. To anyone I promised to mail clothes to, I didn't forget you, I'm going to the post office tomorrow morning.

I'm balancing a tasty,but bad for me lunch today, with a sensible dinner.

B-wheat thins and colby jack cheese
S-coffee w/ sweet n low
L-5 boneless chicken wings
S-mini candy bar
D-cajun salmon, steamed broccoli, skim milk


Alrighty, I'm off to webshop for some cute pants and maybe some cute shoes. And by webshop I mean look at them for hours and never buy. LOL!
Have a great weekend everyone, love you!

6 Month Bandiversary

I TOTALLY forgot that my 6 month bandaversary was this past sunday the 24th. Wow, it's been that long.
Let's do a list. I love lists, just another part of my OCD personality.


6 months ago.....

~I was a size 28
~I was eating 3700 calories a day
~I was drinking 2 2 liters of soda a day
~I was so heavy my ankles would buckle under the weight often
~I couldnt cross my legs
~I had two big chins
~I wore the same 4 shirts in a rotation, with one pair of pants
~I couldn't sit in a movie seat, airplane seat, stadium seat without pain
~I cried every day because of my weight
~I would shun away help because I felt like a loser.

Today

~I'm a size 22 and shrinking
~I'm eating about 1400 calories per day
~I haven't had a SIP of soda since surgery, water is my new BFF
~I have ankle bones, I can see them, touch them and wear high heels without pain
~I sit cross legged all day comfortably
~I have one chin and a little fluff
~Thanks to my bandster gals I wear something different every day
~I am comfortable in a movie seat, airplane seat and stadium seat WITHOUT pain and struggling
~I do NOT cry everyday. If I do they are happy tears from success
~I journal all the time and accept support.

I've lost 42 pounds since surgery. It's not as much as some people, and more than others. That's ok. My ultimate goal is to be down 100 pounds by my one year.That gives me 58 pounds to lose. 6 months ago if I had made that goal there would have been no way I would have even gotten close.
Having the band was the best decision of my life and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I still struggle, we all do. But without this amazing medical tool, I'd still be fat and miserable. Now I'm on my way to a thinner, healthier and happier mommy, sister, daughter, friend and coworker. Life is hard enough without having to struggle in all areas and I would be without all of you, for your love and support I am eternally grateful. I love you :)

Vacation

I need a vacation, just a few days. Anyone want a visitor?   :P

I feel EMPOWERED!

Howdy, hello and HOLLAAAAA to my blog peeps today. For some ungodly reason I am in a GREAT mood tday. I'm chipper, smiley, feel good, look good and havent let anyone bother me today. Do I know why? Nope. Do I care why? Not really. :-)

Today at work we started the Biggest Loser contest and I weighed in. Now, I am wearing jeans and a thick cotton top today so I know my weight was higher than it normally is, but whatever. I want to be accountable and also to do this with my work friends. We all need support right? Just like a good underwire bra, friends are there. And if they arent? Fuck em. :-p

My sister and our bff's are looking into doing a Zumba class or a hip-hop aerobics class each week at the local recreation center. It's $7 per class or $36 per month, we are going to just pay per week in case we can't make it for some reason. I'm super stoked. I love organized get togethers like this. I spent some time (shoulda been working...shhhh) calling around because originally we wanted to take a stripper/pole dancing class, but those puppies are HELLA expensive. Like $180 for 3 months of once a week lessions. So we said no way. I'm hoping we can go to Zumba next tuesday evening. I'll let you know how it goes.


I feel empowered today. Strong, confident, capable and happy. This year is going to hold more changes than I have ever had in my whole life. Some really sad, hard and devestating, but some are wonderful, happy and lovely. I'm trying to find balance and find out who I really am. I know I'm a mom and a employee, but it's time for ME. Time for me to do what makes ME happy, feel good, look good and not be one of those bitching people every single frickin day. I HATE being like that. I know it's easy to be like that, but I don't want to be. I want to smile and laugh and feel good. So today is good for me because its giving me a taste of what feeling happy with myself feels like. And it's damn tasty. HEEHEE

Ok, i've rambled about my mood and stuff. I love you all with your support, kind words and even the not so kind ones because I love nothing more than honest people. Without you, I'd be a lost soul. So smile and pat yourself on the back for your good deed.

TOODLES!