Nerves

So as of today there are 10 days until surgery and my nerves are feeling it. I've been having bad dreams of death and complications, which I've read is completely normal before a life changing event but damn. I'm normally ok until I start thinking about my little boy and him not having a mommy. I can't let myself do that because this is going to help me be more healthy and be around longer for my little boy, but UGH! My surgeon has done over 1500 of these procedures and not had one person die, which makes me feel much better. Ok, enough about the anxiety.

I went with my family to my moms company picnic this past saturday and other than getting burned to a crisp (i didnt remember that you can burn in a overcast day, DUH!), I wasn't self conscious of being in my swimsuit. Now this is not a normal occurance because usually I'm the one with the shorts and t shirt on over the suit in the pool looking like a idiot. I think it was knowing that this time next year for her company picnic, I will be much smaller and happier with my body. That gave me the pep in my step I needed to enjoy the day with the family and not worry that people were looking at my thunder thighs or watching my belly roll jiggle. Besides, I have big boobs and they show very well in my swimsuit, so let em stare at the girls so the rest of me can relax. HAHAHA!

Bye for now...